The sign

I was cleaning out our old, falling apart, second-hand grad school desk so that DH and I can put together the shiny new one that's been sitting in two boxes in the kitchen for the last 11 months -- we are not handy people; we do not get excited about building things -- when I came across this, the horoscope that changed my life. Now to clarify, I'm not a believer in astrology; I read the occasional horoscope strictly for its entertainment value, and Rob Brezsny's are always entertaining. I loved this one so much at the time that I turned it into a little postcard using a stock photo (with all that hair, I thought she made the perfect Leo, and she looked manic enough to really need the advice).



I know the scan isn't great, so I'll reprint the text for you:

Congratulations! You've made it through the trivial ordeal! As a reward, I'll spare you from moralistic preaching and load you up with poetic soundbites. Here goes. Play a joke on your fear, Leo. Elude "helpers" who force you to need them. Ask a soul-deepening question you've never had enough courageous curiosity to imagine. Stand in a wide open space and pray for a slow-motion volcano in your heart. And finally, as a special treat marking your release from the strangleholds of annoying little demons, please accept my gift of this mind-massaging Zen koan: Go wash some water.

16 September 1999
Rob Brezsny's Real Astrology

Despite occasional feats of bravado and derring-do, I've never been particularly brave. (You may have figured that out if you read the kissing post.) But by the turn of the century, with nearly a quarter century of living behind me, I had grown tired of the frazzling insecurity that ruled my behavior. I had grown tired of the constant fear that I wasn't good (smart / talented / pretty) enough, and the constant fear that maybe I was.

Still. What to do about it?

My first clue came as I drove down Orchard Drive in my hometown, and saw the sign posted outside the community church: Do what you fear and your fear will die. "Oooh!" I thought to myself. "I like that." I tucked the bite-sized homily away in a corner of my brain and forgot all about it ... until a couple weeks later, when I stumbled upon the horoscope above and the message finally clicked for me.

Play a joke on your fear, Leo. Don't merely soldier through it, don't endure or even try to overcome it. Acknowledge it, gently poke at its absurdity, deflate its unearned power over you. Do what you fear and your fear will die.

I don't believe the universe controls my fate based on the time of my birth and the position of the stars; I'm sure there are plenty of people born between July 23 and August 22 for whom that horoscope was completely irrelevant (though let's be honest, still a fun read). But I do believe that we're sometimes sent important messages via random coincidence -- tender mercies, let's say -- if we're open enough to receive them. This was one of mine.

I'm not brave even now, lol; I think I'm stuck with this mousy little personality (and that's okay). But this particular pep talk at that particular moment led me to make some decisions that altered the course of my life in a fabulous way. I can't help but smile, looking back on my art project and reading those words again for the first time in a long while -- Congratulations! You've made it through the trivial ordeal!


~RCH~