So... Is this an every other day thing now?

1. I need to go on a spending fast: Necessary purchases only, and no talking myself into revised definitions of "necessary." *Sigh.*

2. DH has been working a lot of night shifts lately, which has its good points and bad points:

The Good
He comes home and sleeps the morning away, then wakes up as the girls come home from school -- which means they actually get to see him for several hours! When he works days, they see him for a minute or two as they eat breakfast, and then maybe after I've tucked them into bed if they're still awake when he gets home (assuming he gets home right away; if he gets a bad case right at the end of his shift, he may have to stay at work another couple hours to finish it up). When he works nights, he can help the girls with their homework, play games with them, eat dinner with us all.... It's lovely and rare.

The Bad
I get no sympathy for my own exhaustion because he doesn't work nights frequently enough for his body to ever fully adjust, and therefore he always wins the I'm So Tired contest. Not that we're competing. But seriously, sometimes -- often -- I really do feel very exhausted; can't I just have that? No, I wasn't up all night saving stroke victims or stitching up the aftermath of drunken brawls, but ... *YAWN!* ... my energy doesn't ratchet up in direct inverse proportion to the kind of night he's had. It's its own thing. Right?

3. I know I'm not supposed to think this way, but lately I've felt down / guilty because I don't do anything. Yes, motherhood is noble and beautiful, and/or the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, and/or whatever other clichés you want to throw at me. I get that I'm growing people -- four of them! -- and that's no small feat, but it's such a passive job. I make sure they're clothed and fed and occasionally bathed (LOL) and that they don't kill each other accidentally or on purpose, but it feels like most of my job happens on the sidelines. And nobody notices. And if they do, they're as likely to reject it outright as to appreciate it. (Tres, before having the slightest idea what we're having: "Eeew, Mom, I hate your dinner!" Every. Single. Night.)

I think if they could operate a stove or drive a car, the girls wouldn't need me at all. But here I'd still be, trying to interject every now and then with a "Hey, don't do that -- it's not nice to sit on babies!" while being ignored. What exactly is my net contribution? It doesn't feel like much.

4. Well, that was bleak. Chalk it up to the fatigue mentioned in item #2.

5. Let's see, a number 5.... Hmmm. So hey, East Coast Earthquake, huh? How about that. :-P


~RCH~