Antiestablishmentarianism

1. Clearly, I'm not so good with goals: I began the month with the intention of writing a post every day in August, but with the understanding (explicitly stated) that I would miss some. And I have. But I don't really care. I've posted way more than I have all year long up to this point, so the net result is positive.

2. I first came to resent the whole idea of goal setting as a teenager in my church's Young Women "Personal Progress" program. I think it was designed to mimic the boys' scouting program (but without being actual Girl Scouts, because everybody knows Girl Scouts are a godless liberal training ground) (or something). We were supposed to set a specific number of goals in various categories (Knowledge, Good Works, Faith, etc) over the course of several years and if we accomplished them all by the time we left the program at 18, we got ... a necklace with a generic lady on it. Oooooh! My first year in YW, we were able to come up with our own goals as long as they fit the categories. Then the program changed, and we were only able to choose from a predetermined list. That irritated me.

First of all, I don't like being told what to do. (Even by myself, apparently.) It brings out my stubborn streak. But I certainly didn't like someone else trying to micromanage my personal accomplishments. Yes, I concur that Knowledge, Good Works, Faith, and all the other etcs are important virtues and ought to be encouraged and cultivated. But how I cultivate those in myself isn't really anybody else's business, and dangling a little piece of jewelry as incentive kind of cheapens the whole mess that much more. (Surprise! I never earned my necklace.)

I'm sure there are many, many girls who loved the program and benefited from it. But it had the opposite-than-intended effect on me, and left a lasting bad taste in my mouth.

3. There's a similar program for the Primary children ages 8-11, to prepare them to tackle Big League goal setting when they hit their teenage years. (And also, of course, to help them take responsibility for learning the gospel in more self-directed ways; I need to focus on that.) As their leader, I ought to be all gung-ho in helping them meet the requirements.... But I really struggle with my enthusiasm in this area. :-/

4. It's not all about church programs, though. I never liked the grade grab, either. I'm the sort of nerd who really enjoyed school (mostly, with a big exception for math classes). I loved the sense of accomplishment I got from doing challenging things well. I loved to feel those neurons flying, making connections between disparate points, my understanding of the world growing ever larger. That was enough for me -- if it came with an A, cool; if not, whatever. Education was the point, not arbitrary letters on a piece of paper. If I wanted an A, I used to tell people, I could draw a lovely one myself and stick it up on the fridge.

The "problem" (in other people's minds, not my own) came on the few occasions when I didn't think my educational time was being used well. For some reason we spent the first bit of my senior year AP English class working on remedial sentence construction:

"I have a dog." "My dog's name is Rusty." "My dog is black." === "I have a black dog named Rusty."

Really? That's college level course work? I should waste my time filling out worksheets like that? Clearly, no. So I didn't. And I failed that unit.

And I didn't care.

(I don't mean to disparage my AP English experience as a whole -- we quickly moved on to much more appropriate material. I LOVED that class. It's depressing, though, that the teacher thought any of us needed that unit in the first place, and even more depressing if she was right.)

Anyway, my rambly point: Education is absolutely a worthwhile goal. Micromanaging it with stupid busy work and offering cheap / arbitrary rewards, however, will never motivate me. (I think DH puts more stock in grades as a concept, so if any of our daughters turns out like me we'll have to figure out a way to respond as a united front.)

5. Maybe the real root of the issue is that I'm cranky and / or crazy stubborn. Or lazy; I'm willing to admit to some natural laziness that might disincline me to setting goals. I've just never been a striver -- I don't have the energy and I don't see the point! I don't think everybody needs to be a Type A Overachiever. I'm content to go with the flow, to improve myself as I can in my quirky and individualized way, without the pressure of answering to anybody.

As they say in the hood, I'ma Be Me. :-)


~RCH~