The funeral for the boy in my Sunday School class is scheduled for this Friday; school is letting out early so that all who want to can attend.
I feel like I should go, but I don't have anyone to watch the girls; everyone from church, all of our usual high school babysitters -- everyone will be at the funeral. None of my family is near enough to watch them.
So here's the question, which I feel personally conflicted about (and I've had mixed opinions from others about): Do I take my 11mo, 4yo, and 5-1/2yo to the funeral? Or should none of us go?
Pros
It would provide an excellent opportunity to teach the girls more concretely what we believe about death / heaven / eternal families / the afterlife, etc. (We've been talking about it already, but it's all abstract for now.) It might give Uno some closure about what happened to her friend and swimming teacher (though as of yet, I don't think she realizes the finality of death, so maybe she doesn't need anything like closure). It would allow me to go.
Cons
They are 11mo, 4yo, and 5-1/2yo. I can't guarantee that they'll behave themselves (Friday is DH's busiest day, so he won't be able to leave work to attend and/or help me). An open casket might freak them out. An open casket might freak me out, for that matter; he was so, so young!
Your thoughts? I think I went to my first funeral at ~6yo or so (Dad, how old was I when your mom died?). I don't remember feeling traumatized by it. But this is a funeral for a child, so it might be a whole different thing. I don't know what to do. I would hate to miss it, myself, but on the other hand, I'm going to hate going just as much. I wish nobody had to. I wish he were still here.
~RCH~
6 years ago
7 comments:
Isn't the open casket only at the viewing before the funeral? Usually there is a viewing the night before the funeral and the half hour before the service starts. If they have a viewing the night before, you could take Uno and let her pay her respects in person (and you could do the same).
We had this dilemma about a month ago. No one to watch the 2 year old, but my husband and I really wanted to go to the funeral of a friend. The viewing was a good solution for us. I'm not a big fan of the open casket - I don't understand why we do that. It was nice, though, to be able to talk to the family of our friend in person and give them hugs.
I hope this comment wasn't nosy. Such a sad thing for you and your family to be going through right now...
I would say go. I think it would be a good learning experience for them. And if you don't want to see the open casket, just avoid going close to it. I've never liked open caskets, myself.
I think it would be good for them to go. If you think the open casket might freak them out, then just go to the actual funeral bit and not the viewing beforehand. I remember going to my Aunt Amy's funeral when I was about 5 or 6 and it was a bit scary for me.
If I didn't have a kid in school that day I'd totally come babysit!
Sorry, I should clarify...I meant to say that seeing her in the casket was scary for me. The funeral was fine. :)
I would agree that it would be Ok to take them to the funeral but maybe avoid the viewing. I still think viewings are creepy and I'm 33 years old! Also, when my Grandpa ward died I was about 6 and didn't get to go to his funeral. I have always felt like I missed something although now I know it was just logistical and a money issue otherwise my parents would have taken me. I don't blame them for not taking me either, I only wish I could have gone. But grandparents are different than a 14 year old. I think it would be a good opportunity to teach about death. Whatever your decision I know you'll make the right one.
You were 7 years old. She died about three months after your seventh birthday.
I would totally take them to the funeral. I can't imagine they would have an open casket. I might grab a seat by the exit, just in case you need to take one of them out and be mentally prepared that you may not be able to stay for the entire time. I was in your position when we lived in NYC. A funeral I really wanted to attend but DH had to work, so I was stuck with two babies. I debated, but the woman who passed away knew and loved my boys and I felt like it was the right thing to do. It gave the funeral a sense of community, in my opinion, when I saw my children and others. I don't know for sure, but it might be better for Uno to be at the funeral and have a more concrete picture of what happened, and you to support her, rather than hearing whispers of this and that which might scare her more about death.
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