At the end of a rough week

I started off with the moral high ground, I know I did. Reviewing the source of a recent misunderstanding, even with the 20/20 vision of hindsight, I believe my conclusions to have been the most reasonable interpretation of the facts. Never mind that they were wrong; on the face of it, I was the legitimately injured party. My tears (though amplified by insecurity) were justified.

Somewhere in the ensuing days, however, I became the bad guy. I slunk down a deceptively gentle slope; I didn't even realize I'd done it until it was too late. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I kept turning the events and my actions over in my mind trying to pin down the precise moment I slipped onto the low road.

I found it, don't worry. DH is as sick of hearing about all this as I am of thinking about it, but he dutifully asked me what I've learned and this is it:

Wounded animals lash out; grown women don't. If I were to relive the last week, I would go straight to the source for a clarification rather than moping around, waiting for someone to notice. I wanted to be defended. I wanted to be consoled because I wasn't the bad guy here. Problem is, if I'd had the sense and maturity to get the full story up front (I was afraid to know the details, honestly; I was afraid it was worse than I imagined), I'd have discovered in time that the other person wasn't, either.

So now I am the bad guy, the occupant of the moral low ground and people I care about are hurt. I keep thinking, how did this happen? How did I end up here from there? But I know the answer.

*Sigh.*

If nothing else, I've learned from the experience. Small consolation to some people, I'm sure, but for now that and my apologies are all I have to offer.


~RCH~

A moment in time

Last Spring we purchased the movie Meet the Robinsons, which has become one of my favorite children's movies of all time: The villain is adorable; the music is awesome; the message of perseverance is so positive; and the poignancy of the main character's family situation makes me all misty-eyed, no matter how many times I've seen it. Wonderful, wonderful little movie.

Uno found it inspiring in other ways: It prompted her to build a time machine.

The first time she mentioned the project, I told her it sounded like a great idea but secretly hoped the whim would pass. We are not handy; we do not build things around here. She kept asking, though -- every day, several times a day: Can I build my time machine today? How about tomorrow? Will you take me to the hardware store? Here's what we need to get....

I continued to put her off, wary of a construction project, worried that she would expect it to actually work and be heartbroken when it didn't. But her enthusiasm wore off on me: I pictured her and DH hammering 2x4s in the back yard, bonding, building a time machine to Uno's specs (she had even drawn a blueprint by then) that could at least serve as a play house when they finished.

Real life intervened, of course (which is probably a good thing -- as I said, we are not handy; the play house would not have been up to code). But Uno, having internalized the theme of the movie, continued to ask about the project. We compromised: I told her we could build a model time machine as practice for some [far-distant] future real time machine. We went to Hobby Lobby that weekend, loaded up on balsa wood, decorative wooden craft thingies, spray paint, and clocky scrapbook stickers, and the next Monday evening the whole family sat down together to help her build.







We finished gluing the time machine that night and put it downstairs in the storage room to set, with the intention of painting and decorating it later. Days passed, then weeks. "Can we paint the time machine today?" Uno would ask, and I'd always have some reason why we couldn't: Painting is an outside project, and it's too cold / windy / rainy; we've got too many other things to do today; let's do it on a weekend when Dad has time to help us.... Months passed and still it sat in the darkness of our basement storage room.

Thank goodness for kindergarten.

Yesterday Uno had her very first public school Show-and-Tell opportunity. She wanted to make it count, so we pulled out the time machine and some cans of spray paint on Tuesday evening. Uno and Dos took turns (with my help on their trigger fingers to make sure they didn't spray paint in their eyes) beautifying the balsa wood. We let it dry over night, and then yesterday morning before school (her class meets in the afternoon) I helped Uno super glue the rest of the decorations onto the time machine.

Here it is, finally completed:







And here is Uno, practicing her Show and Tell presentation:



When I picked her up after school, I asked her how everything went. "My teacher said it was a great project," she said, "and at recess me and Sara and Rebekah pushed all the buttons right so that when it's my birthday we'll all transport to the movies with popcorn and candy and lemonade!"

I had worried that she would feel disappointed when it didn't really take her back or forward in time, but I can see that her imagination has made the appropriate adjustments; apparently it is a delayed-reaction time machine. She probably will get to go to the movies for her birthday (a tradition that seems to be supplanting our West Texas custom of going to Chuck E. Cheese), so maybe she did push all those buttons right.


~RCH~

Incomplete

Still loving this song. :-)

Incomplete
by Alanis Morissette

One day I'll find relief
I'll be arrived
And I'll be a friend to my friends
who know how to be friends
One day I'll be at peace
I'll be enlightened and I'll be married
with children and maybe adopt
One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture
this whole time of being forever incomplete

One day my mind will retreat
And I'll know God
And I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I'll be secure
Like the women I see on their thirtieth anniversaries

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture
this whole time of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous
And torturous
But never done

One day I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious
authentic and grounded and home

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture
this whole time of being forever incomplete


~RCH~

First day of school

Uno started kindergarten last Monday, the 18th, and I am now the mother of a public school kid.

I didn't cry; I didn't get emotional over my little girl growing up. Who are we kidding? She's been ready for this day for years already: She's anxious to learn. She's desperate for a wider social circle than just me and her sisters. She wants to take that small step away from me and toward the rest of her life, and it's my job as her mother to cheer her on to independence.



Go Uno!


~RCH~

Traveling Tales: What I Did On My Summer Vacation

I apologize in advance for the length of this post and all the pictures you'll have to load (especially if you're on a crappy dial-up connection like I am).


I drove around a lot in a rented minivan.

Lucky for us, gas is cheap in the Midwest. If, by cheap, you mean $3.60 a gallon. *Sigh!*





I went to a minor league baseball game.

FIL snagged some sweet seats behind home plate at a Miners minor league baseball game (yeah, it sounds like I stuttered, I know) against the Chillicothe Paints. We ate hot dogs and popcorn and drank lemonade. Tres flirted with the people behind us. Uno and Dos -- who were delighted to discover that real life baseball is a lot like Wii Sports baseball (but with better graphics) -- alternately paid attention, danced in the aisle, and dragged me on unnecessary trips to the bathroom. Though we all had fun, I'm grateful for the Miners' decisive victory (6 to 2, I think?) so we didn't have to sit through any extra innings.



I lazed around while the girls played with their grandparents, aunt, and cousin.





I went back to Metropolis!

I'd been through Metropolis, IL -- including obligatory stops at the Super Museum & Gift Shop and the giant Superman statue -- once before, innocently unaware that my future husband lived a mere 40 minutes away. (Actually he was probably in Oxford, MS at the time getting his PhD. But still.) I'm a total sucker for kitsch; Metropolis is my kind of town.



I spent time at Kentucky Dam Village State Park

Our family plus MIL and DH's nephew stayed in a cute little 2-bedroom cottage with a view onto the golf course (though DH didn't play, thanks to the 105F-degree heat index). We had a mouse and a broken sofa bed the first night, but both of those issues got resolved so we declined the resort's offer to switch to another place.



We specifically chose a cottage instead of lodge rooms so that we could save money by cooking our own food, but then DH declared, "I didn't come on vacation so I could cook things! Let's eat out!" And I didn't disagree. ;-)

The restaurant at the lodge is great, but if you go, make sure you also check out the Catfish Kitchen on US 641 out toward Benton. I don't eat fish at all, but those who do raved; I ordered the chicken and it was fantastic. Tres really liked the ambiance (see below). Dos liked the butter.



Kentucky Dam Village is part of an area known as the Land Between the Lakes, but we didn't actually play in any lake water. Instead, we swam at the resort's pool every day. The girls were much more confident in the water than they had been earlier in the summer; floaties helped, as did the kiddie pool (2ft 9in at its greatest depth).




We also spent a day at a water park. Tres -- my only baby who's ever been happy in the water from her very first bath on -- cooed and squealed and clapped as soon as we got there. Uno and Dos floated in tubes down the lazy river with some apprehension at first, but soon warmed up. Before long, they were splashing in the "tad pool" (sans floaties!) and racing down water slides. By the end of the day, Uno refused to leave. She moped on the shore of the kids' play area, wishing she could live there forever; after documenting her heartbreak with my camera I had to physically drag her away.



While at LBL, we also went mini golfing (or goofy golfing, as the girls called it) a couple of times. Man, it was hot.



Back in DH's hometown, I turned 33

DH, in an incredibly sweet gesture, bought me the new-ish REM CD. (It's sweet because he doesn't like them at all, and he usually gets me things that he wants me to have, lol.) His super romantic gift presentation style (unwrapped, still in plastic Walmart sack, price sticker visible, receipt at the bottom, and a "Here, I got you this") came in handy this time because he accidentally got me a Reliant K CD instead of REM. I have no idea who Reliant K is, but I exchanged it with no problems. Yay DH! :-)

I took walks around town with the girls

To exciting places such as DH's elementary school (below), which is now a senior living center. (Insert DH-is-old joke here.)



I went fishing

Or rather, DH did. The girls and I mostly just went along for the ride. (You want to know what's creepier than fish? Fish with whiskers.)




I went to the Evansville Zoo

Our local zoo membership gives us benefits at other national zoos who are part of the same accredited association, and apparently Evansville is one of them. We got in for free! That's always nice.

The zebras and giraffes hang out together at this zoo, and one particular giraffe kept following a particular little zebra around wherever it went. I commented on it and Dos said, "That's because he's the zebra's mother." I told her it didn't quite work that way. "No, he is his mother. See, he's bigger and the zebra is littler, so that means the giraffe is the mom and the zebra is the baby." Well, okay then!



I went back to Chuck E. Cheese!

Although we haven't been to one since we left West Texas, the girls still talk about Chuck E. Cheese all the time. You can imagine how thrilled they were when we pulled up to this one. :-)



That's all, folks!

And thus concludes our fabulous two-week vacation to Southern Illinois and surrounding areas.


~RCH~

Sweet girl

UNO: What's wrong, Mom?

RCH: Nothing; I just don't feel good.

UNO: What happened?

RCH: Someone I thought was my friend ... turned out not to be.

UNO: What's her phone number? I'll tell her to stop being mean. And then I'll tell her to SCRAM before I kick her butt!

Ah, it's nice to have a defender.


~RCH~

One more

Background: We've been trying to teach Uno and Dos that you can earn people's respect by being honest, kind, a cheerful helper, that sort of thing. We've also kicked around the idea of an allowance based on chores (beyond what is normally expected of them).

UNO, after helping me clean the kitchen: Mom, you said respect is earned, right?

RCH: That's right!

UNO: Can I have some now?

RCH: Well remember, respect isn't a thing, it's a good feeling.

UNO: Oh. Huh. Can I just have the money, then?


~RCH~

Quote Book Clearing House

We attended the local Presbyterian church with MIL during our recent visit. DH, MIL, the baby and I went to the regular service while Uno and Dos were shuttled off to children's church (the LDS equivalent would be Primary, more or less).

Apparently the children's church director is someone who has known DH since he was a baby. Upon seeing Dos she said, "Oh, you must be DH's daughter! You look just like him!"

"No I don't," Dos said a little indignantly. "He doesn't have any hair!"

* * *

DH, while having dinner: Dos, eat your corn dog! You've had enough butter. (She had been opening those individual butter packets at the restaurant and eating it straight with her fork.)

* * *

Playtime overheard:

DOS: I'm sorry, my mother says I can't talk to mosquitoes.

UNO: Actually, I tied your mom up in the closet. Does your dad say it's okay?

DOS: Yeah, sure!

* * *

This one's a year or so old, but I don't think I've ever blogged it and it still cracks me up:

DH was kvetching about someone he thinks is a little co-dependent. "[Person] couldn't wipe [his/her] own butt without help!" he said.

Uno, who we didn't know was even listening, excitedly raised her hand and said, "Oooh! I can, Daddy! I know how to wipe my own butt!"

The two of us then had to keep a straight face while we congratulated her on her mad bathroom skillz.


~RCH~

Traveling Tales: Fear Factor

Early in our visit, FIL made a horribly insensitive remark, which I will not repeat, regarding my older two children. Aside from being a completely inappropriate thing to say out loud (grrrrr!), his justification for the comment was based on the false premise that Dos is fearless and more of a tomboy than Uno.

He's wrong, of course. Dos is a happy-go-lucky girl who goes along with Uno's adventurous schemes, but Uno is the instigator, the mastermind. Uno is the one who would rather play pirates than princesses, who thinks she's a super hero, who declared last week that she wants to be a wrestler when she grows up. Dos is just glad to have a playmate.

FIL would know that if he spent more time with the girls -- as much time as MIL has, for instance. But he's missed out on a lot because (ah, the irony) he's terrified to fly (and doesn't like to drive farther from home than his local American Legion building) so MIL has come to see us alone.

He thinks Dos is braver because he once saw Uno run screaming from a dog that Dos sauntered up to pet. "That little rascal," he said in his thick southern Illinois accent. "She ain't afraid of nothin."

Well, she's not afraid of dogs, as Uno is, but she's my child; she's bound to have a few random phobias and neuroses -- and as it turns out, she has plenty. Hers include, but are not limited to, the following:

• House flies. On our final drive out of West Texas, a fly ended up in the car with us. She screamed and cried and screamed and cried until we shooed him out when we stopped for dinner at a Subway in Muleshoe.


• Forests, or even small groupings of trees because -- and this is the awesome part, lol -- that's where unicorns live. No, it's not the bears or the mountain lions or the disease-carrying ticks she's worried about, it's the unicorns.


• Unicorns; see above. She's concerned that one might poke her with its very sharp horn.


• The dark. That's a pretty standard little kid fear, though.


• Crumbs. I have no idea where this one came from, but she's paranoid that anywhere she sits or lies down might have crumbs on it. She does not want to have to touch them, so I am the designated sweeper of all crumbs, real or imagined.


• Public toilets and vacuums, because of the noise. That's another pretty common fear among kids, I think, though I don't pretend to understand it (children are among the noisiest people around, but they're not afraid of each other).

I offer you this list in Uno's defense (the only phobias of hers I can think of off the top of my head are animals and water), but I don't intend it to demean Dos in any way. I find these little quirks and differences endearing. I don't pit my girls against each other to make pronouncements or draw conclusions.

I also don't mean to paint a negative (if vague) picture of FIL; we all say stupid stuff sometimes, and this was just one interaction out of two weeks' worth. We had a lovely visit. I didn't address his comment at the time (it caught me way off guard), so he probably doesn't even know how much it offended me. And that's fine -- life has enough drama without adding to it, right? FIL loves his granddaughters; we love him; the end.

But for the record -- though she is wonderfully sweet and easy going and up for adventure and brave in the face of viciously licking puppies -- Dos is neither fearless nor the bigger tomboy. Just so you know.


~RCH~

Traveling Tales: You're So Fashion

Fashion is Uno's new favorite word, though she uses it as an adjective rather than as a noun because she's cool like that. Here are a few fashionable moments from our recent trip:


I asked Uno if she'd like me to help her fix her headband. "No, don't touch it!" she said. "I like it this way!"


"It is better to look good than to feel good, and darling, I look marvelous!" *SMOOCH!*


One morning Uno and I watched a few minutes of Live! with Regis & Kelly wherein Jay Manuel from America's Next Top Model showed the hosts how to pose. Later that day, we took a walk around DH's hometown and took pictures. She's a quick study, that girl of mine.


~RCH~

Traveling Tales: Family Boarding

As I recall, Southwest (and most other airlines) used to let families with babies and small children preboard along with the disabled and minors flying alone. Not anymore. Now families board after Group A (which on our flights was approximately 60 people) but before Group B (the rest of the passengers).

Luckily we had non-stop flights both directions, so we only experienced the joy of their new family boarding policy twice: DH and I herded two kids with oversized backpacks down the narrow aisle while hauling, between the two of us, three carseats, two stuffed-to-the-gills carry-on bags, a purse, and another kid on my hip. All that would have been a pain getting onto an empty plane. Now imagine that you are one of the ~60 passengers who have already boarded and you're getting smacked in the head by all our crap as we struggle toward the back of the plane. Yeeeeaaaah. Not so much fun for anybody. Plus we delayed take-off on both flights (and apparently annoyed our second pilot!) because it takes a few minutes to get three carseats installed. Had we gotten on earlier, we'd have been ready by the time the last passengers found their seats.

Sigh.

Lucky for us (and the people sitting all around us, I'm sure) we have excellent travelers; the girls must have gotten my genes. Uno & Dos ate snacks, colored pictures, played their Leapsters, looked out the window.... Tres slept most of the way on the first flight, and on the flight coming home she played peek-a-boo with a toddler sitting behind us. Nobody squirmed or screamed or got bored. (Well, I got bored. A few hours vs. two days, sure, but I'd still rather drive.)


~RCH~

The triumphant return of RCH!

You may or may not have noticed, but I've been MIA the last two weeks: We just returned from a family vacation in Southern Illinois at the home of my [luddite] in-laws. This is the first time I've touched a computer in two weeks (*gasp!*) so I'm glad to be back.

I'm still trying to find my groove -- unpack, sort through mail, make sure no bill payments were missed during my absence, reacquaint the children with the rules of our house and the concept of nap time -- so I won't blog our adventures all at once. I do have some fun stories to share eventually, though.

Stay tuned. :-)


~RCH~